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I Am Not Alone

My Dad committed suicide October 29, 2006. My whole world shattered. 
I had been drug free for over a year, but when I heard the news I ran 
right back to my old habits full force. I didn’t want to deal with 
the pain, so I tried to cover it by using drugs. I blamed everyone 
for his death – my mom, even myself. As for God, I was cursing him 
left and right. I turned my back on my family and God when I NEEDED 
them most. I ended up at an old dealer’s house. I was getting high 
when my little brother David, 14 yrs. old, came over with my cousin 
and a friend and said, “What are you doing here? I'm hurting too.” He 
grabbed me, hugged me, and said, “Let’s go home.” As mad as I was at 
God, He didn’t turn away from me. I believe He worked through my 
little brother because the love I felt when he showed up was so 
strong. When he hugged me I knew in my heart it was something 
greater. I knew then, in that moment, everything would be okay. I 
didn't have to carry that weight. God would carry it for me – and He 
has. Through prayer and love, I have found peace with my Dad. I feel 
my Dad had demons in his head. He was addicted to alcohol. I feel he 
just couldn’t fight them anymore. They overcame him and he was 
seeking peace.

In December, I came to the high desert to visit friends. They took me 
to the Harbor service at HDC. I left church that Sunday in tears. I 
knew I needed this in my life. I needed God. I needed to change my 
life or I might never fight off my own demons. I knew I would never 
beat them without God – I had tried. I felt like He was calling to me 
that day. I went back home to Huntington Beach that week, but I 
couldn't shake the feeling that I no longer belonged there. In 
January, I moved up to the high desert and have been attending HDC 
ever since. I've recently started going to the Seven service and love 
it. It's truly inspiring to see young people singing and praising 
God. I'm 20 yrs. old and I thought after my Dad died I'd never be 
happy again and would never break my addiction to meth for the second 
time. But, I have and only through God and going to church. Hearing 
others and knowing I am not alone is what keeps me strong. The heavy 
weight of confusion and hurt has gotten lighter.